Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
