that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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