Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
