Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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