shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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