I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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