Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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