I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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