drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
