I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
