The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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