guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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