Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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