South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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