When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
