Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His hands were made for my vagina.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
