His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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