there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
