i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
