its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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