Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
