Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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