i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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