There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
