I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
