My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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