Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
