i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
