I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
