i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
