Apparently you make a good broom.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
