Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
