i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
