There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
