I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
