Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
