i think my mom watched the whole time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
