my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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