what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
