I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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