omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize