my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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