How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my poor anus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
