There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
