everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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