the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize