Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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