you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
