Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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