Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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