I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
