i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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