Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
