She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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