were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
