How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
