do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
