don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
