what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize