in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
