So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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