Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
