Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
