what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
