I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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