There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
