btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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