And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
