but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
