I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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